Fullmetal Puppeteer
by SakuraSagura
Summary: Come, sit down, and listen as Edward gives us all a show of his own 'Fullmetal vs. Flame'. Don't let the puppets scare you too much...


Fullmetal Puppeteer

By SakuraSagura

Author's note…

Hee hee, I wrote this a LONG time ago! I was looking for some paper to draw on and I found this. When my old computer died I thought this story had been lost forever. The following was actually cut up into littler pieces and made into a disclaimer of an old story. So I suppose it gave me three Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic ideas. You'll more than likely be seeing more new stories, after "If I were you" is finished! (I typed this up May 12th. And, YES, I am working on "If I were you"! But I really need to plan or I'll fall into a hole… again. So, please, be patient.) So, please enjoy this. Its meant to be funny and I'm keeping it close to its original format. One more thing, review and maybe I'll make more!

--SakuraSagura

(P.S. Like I said this was meant to be a disclaimer so that's why my name is in here!)

"This is stupid…" Sakura grumbled as she raised her hands above her head. She was standing against a wall of Mustang's office, sweat rolling down her face.

"Well, this wouldn't be a problem if you'd just say it." Riza stated as she pointed her gun at Sakura's forehead. Sakura gulped and took a quick glance around. Edward and Alphonse were hidden safely from Riza's gun behind a wall made from desks and file cabinets. Roy was under his desk with Black Hayate and Havoc was cowering behind a overturned table with Falman, Breda, and Fuery.

"C-can you please not kill me… or harm me in anyway with that gun?" Sakura stuttered as her face turned pale. Riza smiled and put her gun away. Both Edward and Alphonse looked over their wall to see what would happen next.

"You know," The armor boy, Al, whispered to his brother, "if she'd just say she doesn't own our show this wouldn't be happening!" Before Ed could properly agree Riza interrupted him,

"How about this one then?" Riza asked with a frightening smile as she pulled out a bigger and scarier gun. Without warning she pulled the trigger again and again, making an outline of Sakura on the wall. Sakura looked like she was going to pee her pants then and there. Ed sighed and turned to the screen.

"Apparently, Sakura won't be able to say the disclaimer," Ed glanced over at the frozen with fear girl, "or say anything at all right now." Ed sat down and made a face. Anyone could tell he was giving something a good consideration. Before his brother could ask Ed stuck his pointer finger in the air and proclaimed quietly, "So I'll have to do the disclaimer! Hold on…" Ed stopped and looked at the cameraman. He gave a swift motion of his hand to direct the man somewhere else.

The camera shifted to Roy. The man holding the camera lets out a laugh at the sight. Black Hayate had wet on Roy's pants! Roy gave him a shocked and embarrassingly surprising look. Suddenly those looks turned into one of rage. The colonel dug in his pockets to reveal his alchemic gloves. He raised them into a snapping position, the cameraman stepped back a yard or so.

"I'M READY!" Ed called loudly, jumping the poor cameraman back to reality just in time for him to move.

"What are you…?" Al mumbled while watching his brother dig through a cardboard box. Since Al was sitting on the same side as Ed, the wall in front of them, he got to see first hand just what his brother was up to. Al choked back a laugh as Ed stuck his left hand just above the wall so all anyone would see was the puppet.

"I, Sakura Sagura, do NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist or anything related to it." Ed said in a very corny, girlish voice. While Ed spoke for the Sakura puppet he moved his hand up and down.

"Why is that?" Ed asked while waving his right hand, with the Ed puppet on it. He then made the Sakura puppet cover her face in an embarrassed manner. The puppet replied,

"I can't because you are so awesome, tall, good-looking, strong, tall, smart, better-than-Mustang-in-every-way, tall, an alchemic genius, tall, not vertically challenged, tall, you have the coolest clothes, tall, tall, you towering over that STUPID colonel, you're so kind to you're LITTLE brother, not a frick'n shrimp-" Ed trailed on and on, not knowing that all the occupants of Roy's office were watching him and his little play. Al poked his brother's shoulder and muttered,

"Uh, brother,"

"Not now!"

"…Okay."

"So, in other words, I rock?" Ed made his puppet self put one hand on his hip and the other pointing to himself.

"Yup, that's true." The Sakura puppet waved her arms up and down excitedly. "And I do not own anything FMA related!"

"At least he got one thing right." Roy whispered to a snickering Havoc.

Two days later… 

Now staring the Fullmetal Puppeteer, EDWARD ELRIC!" Hughes yelled into a microphone. He was standing on a stage. The stage looked like one might see when a school puts on a play. There was only one difference. This stage had another stage, one much smaller, on it. This one was for puppets. Around the larger stage herds of military personnel all eagerly awaiting the "Full metal Puppeteer".

"I am NOT doing this!" Ed screamed behind the huge stage. He was standing next to a box of puppets with Al holding another box filled with props.

"Oh, come on big brother. You know if you don't you'll be discharged form the military!" Al pestered. Why was Ed being so fussy about this?

"How is THIS," Ed spat and flung his hand at the stage behind them, "an assessment?" Sakura jumped down from the stage and onto the ground. She fiddled with something on her right hand before jogging up to Ed and sticking her hand in his face.

"It's your own fault." Sakura teased and waved her puppet around in Ed's face some more. This only got her hand slapped by some hefty auto-mail. "OW! Hmph, you're so rude! But like I said, it is your fault."

"How is this my fault? You and Mustang just suggested this to the Fuhrer to make my life miserable!"

"…"

"Say something!"

"Okay." Sakura sighed and pushed her puppet into Ed's face. "Don't blame me. It was Mustang's idea… I just helped!" She smiled and put her left hand into a thinking position. Ed and Al sweat dropped as she stated, "The Fuhrer does like a good puppet show."

"Puppet show my-" Ed grumbled hatefully. Al quickly shoved the box of props into Ed's hands, the blonde's face seemingly getting in the way of the box.

"Well, you had better get ready." Sakura said before going to join the crowd of viewers.

A little later, after final preparations had been made, Ed found himself rummaging through a box of puppets.

"This can't be happening…" He cried childishly as he found what he had been searching for.

"Oh, but it is." Ed practically jumped twice his height at the unexpected voice. Hughes chuckled at Ed.

"Don't do that!" Ed huffed and held his chest. Hughes simply grinned and walked over to a nearby box.

"Sorry," Hughes apologized as he tossed aside a cracked microphone and grabbed a new one. Ed looked at it curiously.

"Heh, you're taking such a long time that everyone got bored. So I started showing off pictures of my little angel and telling them some of the cutest stories and- that reminds me- would you like to hears some?"

"STOP!" Ed yelped and put his hands up defensively. Hughes looked a little startled. But he easily shrugged it off and said happily,

"You're right, not now. Another time then?" Without waiting for an answer Hughes jumped back on stage and yelled into his new microphone, "Now presenting,"

"Uh oh!" Ed grabbed the last of his supplies before diving behind his puppet stage. The curtains of the larger stage were pulled back as Hughes continued,

"The one and only, FULLMETAL PUPPETEER!"

The crowd roared with cheering and laughter as all eyes were set on the puppet stage. Ed took a deep breath, thus sealing his fate, and stuck up his left hand up.

"I am the idiot colonel who decided that the great Fullmetal Alchemist should have his assessment two years early and make it as stupid as possible!" Ed proclaimed while wiggling the Roy puppet in a business fashion. Sadly Ed couldn't make his voice sound like Roy's. It only ended up making the puppet sound mentally retarded. The crowd cheered anyways and some even slapped Roy on the back. Once it was quiet Ed stuck up his right hand, which had an Ed puppet on it. At first glance nothing seemed wrong with the Ed puppet. Yet, with further inspection, anyone could see that the Ed puppet was taller than the Roy one.

"You've got the heights messed up, pipsqueak!" Someone boldly shouted from the crowd.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE COULDN'T FIT ON AN ANT'S HAND?" instead of Ed standing and yelling his lungs out the puppet him did.

"Now, now, Fullmini, even if that's true-" The Roy puppet said happily in its retarded voice.

"You want to fight colonel Mustard? I'll take you on!" The Ed puppet had some difficulty but he finally succeeded in ripping his tiny, red jacket off. "And when you lose be ready for a cat!" Ed smiled behind the booth as the crowd laughed and made their comments about the show. They knew now that this was a reenactment of Ed's last assessment. The puppets disappeared and a sign was held up in their place. In big print it read,

**SakuraSagura does not own FMA**

"Oops, wrong sign." Ed mumbled to himself and quickly brought the sign down. He held up another one.

**The true story of the three little pigs**

The crowd started to howl with laughter. Wondering what was so funny Ed took the sign down and read it.

"What was Al doing? I asked him to write the title, not this junk!" He threw the sign aside and held up another that read,

**The Great Fullmetal Alchemist vs. Colonel Mustard the Lame Alchemist**

"Now I shall use a cheap shot since I am not good enough to do anything else!" The Roy puppet said quickly. Ed made a snapping sound with his tongue and swiftly threw some red and orange sand at the Ed puppet. The sand didn't even get close.

"Is that all you got? Take this!" The Ed puppet shouted. Just then Ed realized he had nothing for his alchemy props. While the crowd waited for something, anything, Ed carefully took his hands out from the puppets. As the people watched the unmoving puppets a sharp clap rang through the air.

BOOM!" Ed yelled as a wooden spike ripped up through the puppet stage and ran into the Roy puppet. People gasped in the crowd as Ed yelled in his retarded Roy Mustang voice,

"Oh no, I am-" Ed was just getting his hand into his puppet when Mustang cut him off and finished the sentence in a very different way,

"Victorious!" The colonel snapped his gloved hand and a flame shot out at the puppet stage.

"WHAAA!" Ed screamed as the puppet stage went up in smoke. He stood up shakily and took a long look at his burning stage. After a moment Ed smirked as he shifted his gaze from the stage, to Mustang, and then to the rest of the crowd.

"And that is how Colonel Mustard died in a suicidal attempt to defeat the great Fullmetal Alchemist." He moved the singed Ed puppet's arms up and down as he stated blissfully, "And we will miss him little."

That was a death wish however all that got going was another fight between Mustang and Edward…

Author's note…

Hee hee, I wrote this a LONG time ago! I was looking for some paper to draw on and I found this. When my old computer died I thought this story had been lost forever. The following was actually cut up into littler pieces and made into a disclaimer of an old story. So I suppose it gave me three Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic ideas. You'll more than likely be seeing more new stories, after "If I were you" is finished! (I typed this up May 12th. And, YES, I am working on "If I were you"! But I really need to plan or I'll fall into a hole… again. So, please, be patient.)Antyway, please enjoy this. Its meant to be short little puppet stories and I'm keeping it close to its original format. One more thing, review and maybe I'll make more!

--SakuraSagura

(P.S. Like I said this was meant to be a disclaimer so that's why my name is in here!)


End file.
